u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
