You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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