At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
