seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
