First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
