I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Randomize
