i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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