TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
