just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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