Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
