I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
