her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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