sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
