You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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