man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
