M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
