Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
this is an emotional support booty call
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
