Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
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