I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
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