I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
