I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
