If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
