I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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