She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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