I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
