don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
