Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
it glows. i had to have it.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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