somebody snuck up and got me drunk
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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