I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Are we still banned from the library?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
