How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
