I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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