hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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