If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
