every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
If I die, sorry about rent.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Never underestimate the power of titties
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
