She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
