Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(606): View more from Kentucky

are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

there needs to be a build-a-bong store...

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(708): View more from Illinois

sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed

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(505): View more from New Mexico

she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes

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(818): View more from California

Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.

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(647): View more from Ontario

Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics

(416): View more from Toronto

But that's half the fun of it

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(323): View more from California

Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets

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(352): View more from Florida

Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!

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(727): View more from Florida

I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.

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