I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
