The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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