Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
