If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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