I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
