let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
