It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
These tits shall not be calmed
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