I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
