I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
