Fine. I'll sleep in my office
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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