Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
