I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
