I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
