I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Randomize
