she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
